The only gay in the village

I adore my friends! As individuals they are amazing, kind, funny and always willing to give advice. The problem is that they are all heterosexual, there's not another queer in sight.

Now, don't get me wrong, the sexual orientation of people shouldn't make or break friendships but whether we like it or not, there are inherent differences in how the LGBTQ community experiences the world. My sexuality doesn't define me, but it does impact on who I am and how I think. My hetero friends sometimes find it difficult to understand were I'm coming from and this can feel really lonely.

There are conversations about love, relationships, sex and girls that I don't get to have. When I meet someone and we start dating or I'm going through a bad breakup there's no one I can turn to. Although my friends really do try they just can't understand because they've never had the 'I'm Straight Again' argument or been dumped because of their gender.
When my ex and I were separating my friends couldn't understand why I was so upset I had been left for a guy, they just didn't see the big deal because they've never had those insecurities that come with same sex relationships.

There are vulnerabilities and insecurities that come from being gay and when you feel like people don't understand those insecurities it's very frustrating. The differences in our sexuality can be so isolating. All too often I find myself surrounded by my hetero female friends and although I'm engaged in the conversation there are large portions of it I can't take part in. Our relationships are different, how we meet people is different and our sex lives couldn't be further apart and although I will always find the love and support I need, the understanding of why I need it isn't there.

Allies are great and I wouldn't change my friends for anything but a little bit of queer in the mix would really help the situation. Someone who can just get why I don't kiss drunk girls in clubs or whether I'm texting a girl or "texting" a girl. It would be nice to have a conversation about my love life without having to explain the reasons I feel this and the reasons I did that, it's tedious and frustrating and makes me feel really alone. I would really appreciate not just being the token gay of the group, the big spoon to the sleepy girls or the pretend girlfriend when they're getting perstered on a night out.

I would love to have someone I could go to pride with and actually take part in the event. Someone who will go to the gay theatre festival with me and I can discuss the importance of RuPaul with. Someone I could talk to who understands that being gay is hard, harder then the hetero community know, harder then we can even explain because it's the internal struggles that are tough. Fighting those battles completely on my own or with ill informed soldiers takes its toll. Sometimes the isolation is overwhelming but I just remind myself there's more people to meet and friends to be made, so statistically I'm bound to meet a fellow queer at some stage!

So if you are lucky enough to have both queer and hetero friends, count yourself lucky, because you've got the best of both worlds and know, I envy you greatly!