My super straight girlfriend

"Girlfriend" is a term I use loosely in this situation. "Situation" however is the perfect word.

In the words of Maria, let's start from the very beginning. I met this girl; funny, kind, friendly and pretty. We were pals and didn't really spend 1 on 1 time until we had a night out. There we were, dancing away having a fab time and for some reason my brain went 'fuck it!' And I kissed her. Thankfully, she kissed back.

Since then we've been hanging out, texting all the time, we kiss, we cuddle, we enjoy each others company. Here's the classic catch though: she's straight.
I know what your thinking, 'she's kissing you, so clearly not!' But if you refer to the previous post about being a gateway dyke, that'll all be explained to you there.
Not only is she straight, but she's single too....even after 6 months of seeing me.

Dating a straight girl always comes with its challenges, but this girl takes the cake.
She refuses to acknowledge our relationship in front of anyone else, so when we're around mutual friends or her friends I always seem like some super weird dyke that just lingers around her.
I never know what I can and can't say so to save myself the worry, I just stay as quiet as I possible.
I'm not allowed say that I know her to a huge percentage of the people I work with because she also works with them.
And the biggest of all, she is adamant to stay single and will mention she is single at the drop of a hat if she gets the chance, despite dating me.

I don't know what it is about me that makes girls think that it's okay to treat me as if I'm expendable or unimportant. Not that she's trying to hurt my feelings but she acts as if I have none. We joke a lot about me not being a boy and I usually laugh but every now and then I feel like she means it. Like if I was a boy, she would want all of me, not just the part that she can cuddle into at night.

I know she doesn't mean to hurt my feelings. She does care and obviously doesn't want any drama or ill will, but you can't help but let old insecurities creep back in. I keep my feelings and problems out of our time together and avoid any conversation that would lead to me having to explain myself to her.

I find myself having to withhold things from her because I'm terrified to let her in. Doing that would mean being vulnerable, a state that I don't allow many to see me in. It's her rule that we're not a couple, and those conversations are couple conversations. I can't really tell her about my day or how I am all the time because that's inner circle knowledge and letting her in there would end in disaster.....or so everyone thinks.

The overwhelming advice from everyone has been to walk away. "Shes using you" "she's confused" "she just wants to experiment" "she's just lonely" are lines I get all the time, but they don't know her like I do. She doesn't hold their hands like she does mine, or rub their neck when it's soar, or send long 3 minute voice recordings of nonesense to them like she does me. They don't see what it's like to be alone with her, when she's not pretending for anyone else or trying to hide anything, when she's calm, at ease and with me.
So I stick around in the blind unlikely hope that she'll realize she likes me as much as I like her and all those challenges will melt away.

Blind and unlikely being the optimal words.